V.A.R. Ball

Since its inception, Video Assistant Review, or V.A.R., has been a talking point in soccer circles. Some fans welcomed the onfield review and reversal of clear and obvious errors, while others are left scratching their heads as they try to trace a referee's steps. V.A.R. has always struck me as a group of scientists debating the benefits of coffee or red wine. There are always some who will say it's unhealthy no matter what, like those who don't want technology anywhere near the game. Others will insist that in small doses, it isn't such a bad thing - a referee admitting they've made a mistake and correcting it is a happy accident (especially if your team benefits). The truth may lie somewhere in the middle. 

For a while, I was a ref, not a soccer ref, but Silent Ball. If you aren't currently a teacher or if you don't have a school-age student, Silent Ball may be new to you. It's a game that teachers employ to help keep kids active but quiet. All the boys in my classes loved Silent Ball. There was no better way to end a day than throwing around a soft and squishy ball, just a tad smaller than a basketball. They wanted to challenge their friends and their abilities and, for a brave few, impress their classroom crush. Don't be fooled - girls loved Silent Ball as well. What better way to put a boy in his place than to beat him at his own game?

Silent Ball had a few rules, much like the original laws of soccer:

1) If you talk, you're out.

2) If you don't make eye contact with your target, you're out.

3) If you don't catch the Ball, you're out.

4) If the Ball isn't catchable, you're out.

I was more than happy to play with these rules, but quickly, I learned that more would be necessary to facilitate a proper game. Much like how soccer grew and adapted around its early rules, so, too, did Silent Ball evolve from day to day and class to class. The first variation tried to position themselves a certain way on their desk. They learned it was easier to catch if you were stable. Some students tried to rest their backs against a wall or have their feet on their desk chairs. Others, growing faster, would almost stand up entirely and sit only on the corner of the desk. As students discovered this advantage, others began to complain, and it was clear we would need a new rule.

5) If you aren't sitting correctly on the desk, with your feet on the chair, you're out.

Then came a new tactic: switching seats. As more students lost and fewer remained in the game, some would try moving to a more advantageous desk. The boys, in particular, would measure how well a girl could throw and move further away from her if possible. Moving ensured that a bad throw from a girl or having to catch a more challenging pass from a boy would likely result in getting them out. But when could students move? As soon as the desk they wanted was free? As soon as someone got out? At what point did someone have to be ready on their next desk? Was there a limit to how often you could move? Another rule was needed.

6) You may only move to another desk when five players remain.

But what about when only two players remain? What if they were next to each other?

6A) The final two players must play from opposite desk corners.

I know you think this must have been unfair for the girls, but believe it or not, the incentive to beat the boy often motivated them to do better (and I was happy to give them a few "warm-up" chances to get the throw and catch right.)

Then, one day, the game took too long. Everyone made superb catches; no one wanted to get out, and eventually, we had to leave with no winner, which disappointed everyone. So, once again, a new rule was needed.

7) After 20 throws and catches with no one getting out, students must throw and catch with one hand.

This rule, too, yielded problems as the game continued to be too long. Now, students would get out, but it would still take too long since the concentration level from throw to catch increased. So, you guessed it, another rule.

8) Students have five seconds to throw the Ball, or they are out.

The following rule was quite simple. Someone hit my very expensive projector. Similarly, a student threw the Ball at the ceiling to make it across the room.

9) If you hit the ceiling or projector, you're out.

I finally had enough rules to argue over in a bar like the ancestors of soccer did so long ago. Much like back then, there was one particular rule about which everyone held a strong opinion: rule four. What made a ball catchable versus not catchable? Well, say a student underthrows the Ball. This scenario forces a student to come off their desk to make the catch, risking both not catching the Ball and being called out or their safety as they dive off the desk.

On the other hand, a ball not correctly thrown could have no attempt made whatsoever. A student could watch it sail by indifferently, a sort of anti-Silent Ball (or bus parking if you'd like). Not only did that make the game less fun, but it also made the calls more difficult. Some students were more developed than others, especially in the 7th grade. What is reachable for a boy already 5'9 is different from a girl only 4'11. I had both in my class, but again, don't judge the sexes; the girl was a softball pitcher with a cannon but couldn't catch. The boy was tall, but unathletic. How do you make it fair for both of them?

A soccer fan answered it himself one day. He was called out for not catching a pass that I deemed catchable. His hands went up in the air with a matching look of disbelief.

"We need V.A.R.," He said incredulously.

And there it was. Even in a game that didn't matter, a competition to waste time for children, with no prizes, fans, or followers, there was still a need for review. Teams will always look for a sporting advantage. Pep Guardiola or Jose Mourinho could have come to my classes, learned the game, and begun coaching students to their style. If it was about where you sit, how often you move, or even if you try to go after a pass, I'm sure there would have been a post-game press conference detailing the process.

Ultimately, we'll always need someone to tell us where the lines are, what is fair and possible, and what results in the best game. If they feel that technology helps them do that, then we should listen. And, yes, those people are still allowed to make mistakes occasionally. No one complained when I added rules; there were only complaints when I didn't add rules quickly. I did the best job I could, and I'm happy to say I'll be sticking to English instead of pursuing a career as a referee.